Walking into a shop whilst on coke is pretty head-wrecking stuff. But to go into a video shop to hire out a video is far worse than a normal supermarket. For instance, imagine walking into Blockbusters after having partaken of the said substance. Before you are like 'in there' you are in your little bubble. Everything is great. You think you are great. Not in a self-confidence type of way, but in an inner peace, serene type of way. Then upon entering the shop reality tries to crash through your bubble. You are wandering the shop trying to look and act normal. But the whole time you are thinking; "I'm in here, but I'm on cocaine. But none of the staff know it. Neither do these normal people, customers even. The only one who does is my friend but they've gone off on their own to look for films. Leaving me fending for myself. If I was with them I could mask any odd behavior by their normality. But not now. Now I'm down to my own wits." So you wander looking at videos, acting normal, but still wanting to leave as soon as possible. Plus the thought of having to actually go up and hire the video. No more needs to be said. So, you get your friend to do it. But you stand next to them, then other thoughts appear as you reach the counter. "What if they can somehow tell? I don't think I'm doing anything odd. But my jaws numb. What if I'm moving my tongue more as a result and it shows? No I'm sure I'm not. My hearts really beating now though. What if I look too nervous?" Finally deciding to let your friend deal with it on their own whilst you roam the shop, looking for something as an excuse to get away from the counter. After though can come other thoughts. "If I was in there on Coke, going pretty much unnoticed. How many other people have been?" You think you were the only person to have been, but other people who have gone in there could have been as well. Maybe even some of the people in there with you may have been. How many people do go into video shops on a range of different drugs? It could be a set thing. Large communities of differing drug users and abusers all coming together to meet before going on the anticipated trip to the video shop. Maybe deciding on a different drug for different video shops each week. Gear for this one, cocaine for that one. Who decides? Maybe it is just individual junkies like me going into these retail outlets. Huge swarms of us descending each Friday night to try and pass unnoticed into the bright world of the normal. None of us knowing about the other whilst in there. All trying to not catch each other's eyes, lest that person should somehow know. Not realising they are in the same boat. This sounds more likely than a large organised trip. Maybe the staff are more gone than the customers they serve. When they go out the back to get the videos, quickly doing a line in a sort of game between them. One snort if someone orders a horror. Three rows if it is a porno. These are the people who started out the infrequent abuser of the normal and carried on into the hard-core sensual assault of the bright world of the normal. Having moved into a position where straight people assume automatically they are fine and others daren't go to the counter to face them so never learn. These people must stand and watch. Picking future potential employees from the people who wander and roam the shop floor and yet never come themselves to the counter in case something is asked to them. The bright world of the normal has many delights from the inside of your bubble as it tries to squash it down. But be careful or your bubble may burst and you will fuly envelop the normal and end up as an assistant manager of a fast food burger restaurant who works Saturday nights. by Remorse | |||
