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Cartoon Smegheads

Here we are going to take a look at the nastier side of cartoon characters. The characters we here at Mix N Mojo refer to as Smegheads. These aren't neccessarily the most evil characters, just the sort who make you go - what a bastard!
So now on to the lowliest of the low, the Snoogins Top 10 Cartoon Smegheads.

Already read part one or just can't wait to see who's number 1? Then click here to get to part two.

10 - Gargamel from The Smurfs

Just what was this guys deal? He was forever searching for the Smurfs. Why? To rule over them? To steal some magic treasure from thm that would make him all powerful? To cast a spell to grow them and then transform them into a 1970s pop band? No, none of these, he just wanted to eat them! There has to be easier ways of getting a snack. Particularly a snack that won't beg you not to eat it whilst you cook it. Plus as he never seemed to succeed in this quest, how does he even know they taste nice? He has no proof, he's just guessing. Personally I try to stay away from blue food. The only reason he is trying to eat them is to prove to himself that he is evil and powerful, because Gargamel is basically a coward. Any other ogres, etc. turn up he either bows to them or runs away, despite him meant to be a powerful wizard. Notice the way he always shouts at his cat Azrael. That cat is another good point of why Gargamel is so low. Azrael too spends its time trying to capture Smurfs to eat, but you never see him eating birds or mice, let alone Gargamel giving it cat food. What we can deduce from this using Shred-logic (kinda like normal logic, only better) is that Gargamel has trained his cat to think mice are blue so he doesn't have to bother feeding it. He must have spent months when Azrael was a kitten painting pet mice blue and sticking little hats on them.

And from one cartoon full of weird little creatures to another...

9 - Professor Oak from Pokemon

No, not Professor Oak?! Loveable, helpful, occasionally bumbling Professor Oak?! I hear you cry (either that or I just hear you cry whilst screaming "If I hear one more thing about bloody pokemon I swear I'll ram my computer up someones Raichu!"). Yes Proffessor Oak. He isn't as innocent as they'd like you to think. Okay he isn't an "evil" person, but he's still a git. Take the first episode for example. Ash gets there late and Prof. Oak knows full well that the three pokeballs are empty, but he still lets Ash get his hopes up and try to pick each one. Yeah, sure he gave him Pikachu but he didn't want to. Also Proffessor Oak knew there were 4 kids coming (including his Grandson Gary!) and yet still only prepared three pokeballs (because as I said he didn't really want to give a Pikachu to a new inexperienced handler). Then there's all the business with Ash's Mum. I refuse to believe he goes to visit her that often just to let her know how Ash is getting on. Whenever Ash meets up with his mother the Proffessor is there! Then the Prof keeps sending Ash away to do errands for him. Go to the Orange islands for me, go to Johoto for me. Why? So he can keep Ash's mum to himself. Even if the Prof's motives were innocent you know he is secretly laughing at Ash. For example he sends him to the Orange Islands to do something for him...on foot. Yep Ash and his buddies have to walk there. We know the Prof's got a bike, but he doesn't lend it, fair enough, probably too big for Ash anyway, but then in The Power Of One (Pokemon The Movie 2000) it seems as though Ash might be in trouble so the Prof (and Ash's mum together note!) flies out to meet Ash in a helicopter! A helicopter, he just happened to have lying around. After sending Ash there by foot which would take at least a month without blagging rides on blimps etc.
So Proffessor Oak, isn't evil, actually he's quite nice and helpful on the surface. But he's also sending these kids on cross continental treks despite being able to go himself just so he can seduce some kid's mum. What a smeghead!

8 - Schroeder from Peanuts/The Charlie Brown & Snoopy Show

Now for this position it was a toss up between Schroeder and Lucy. At first it was Lucy because of her renlentless and unwarranted taunting of Charlie Brown with the whole American football trick and for some reason I could always identify with Chuck. Maybe it was because I was almost named Charlie Brown, maybe it's because I have a round head and a dog who thinks he's a World War I flying ace, who knows? But the fact is I'm a big Lucy fan. She always sticks up for herself and basically commands respect. Her attempts to threaten people into voting for her brother and her psychiatric help she administers have warmed her to my soul. And she knows the feeling of love. And who is the object of her affection? Schroeder! (Good link hey?). Why is Schroeder on this list? I'll tell you! If he didn't like Lucy in that way fine. Everyone's tastes are there own. But he constantly leads her on just to shoot her down again and again. Why else does he let someone he doesn't like constantly come to his house and hang out with him and lean on his prize piano? Just so he can see the look on her face when he yanks the piano out from under her and blows her advances off. What a bastard! Also the fact he always acts superior and arrogant, believing his intellect is greater than the rest is plain snobbery and (as he fails to use this alleged superiority to ever help anyone's problem) he automatically qualifies for this list. In the back of my mind is the belief that Charlie Brown only let him on the baseball team to please Lucy. He doesn't actually like him. Why else does he hang out with Lucy's YOUNGER brother Linus? A kid who carries a blanket. Because it is him or Schroeder. In fact none of the others like him. No-one ever hangs out at his house except Lucy and occasionally Snoopy (but even then that is only to annoy him by dancing on his piano).
So Schroeder. Cartoon Smeghead no. 8, but he's nothing compared to the next fellow...

7 - Dungeon Master from Dungeons & Dragons

This evil little troll known as the Dungeon Master. Let's take his name to begin with. Dungeon Master. What a pretentious little git. He is master of nothing. Not even with the weapons of power which Vengar believes could help himself to gain power does the DM do anything. The whole time the kids are in the realm he has control over nothing. Getting them to do his errands. Unless he actually has a dungeon somewhere which makes him far from the supposedly nice, friendly and helpful creature we are led to believe he is. Not that he is actually helpful. Forever giving them some cryptic riddle (and by cryptic read useless!). Never actually telling them straight. Why? Because he doesn't actually know. He figures if it works for Yoda maybe he can get away with it. All these kids want to do is get home and he has them battling monsters and going on wild goose chases just to miss the portal by 10 seconds. He's a cunning one. He times it exactly so they'll see the portals and think he's helping when all along he knows they don't have a chance of getting there in time, so they will stick around and carry on his tasks and feul his fantasy that he is actually master of something.
Of course the whole time the kids are in the realm Vengar is trying to kill them and steal their weapons. Knowing this you think the DM might have just mentioned that Vengar is HIS SON! But no. It is quite a long time before they get let in on that one. So not only is he an annoying, cunning little sod, but his parenting skills are also severely lacking to have brought up a son as evil as Vengar. Unfortunately Eric seems to be the only one who realises what the hell he is like. All the others are fooled by the little fellow so more fool them I suppose...

6 - Ultra Magnus from Transformers

Now Ultra Magnus may seem at first glance like an alright guy. He is loyal, dependable, a good soldier and an old friend of Optimus Prime. All this plus he was (briefly) leader of the Autobots. It is only when you actually examine his decisions once he became leader that you realise why all the other Autobots were saying "yeah nice one, smegger" under their breaths. Firstly he gets attacked by Decepticons and what does he do? Fight back? Nope. Try to outrun them? Nope. He blows up 3/4 of the ship! Yeah you read that right. Then once his amazing plan to lose them by convincing them that either they weren't in the small escaping section of the ship and had been destroyed, or by making them stay away by making them think he was insane by blowing up 3/4 of his own ship!, what does he do? Flees towards a huge cave, seals the other autobots in (with him on the outside!) and then loses the matrix of power to Galvatron. That isn't even mentioning the infamous comment he makes. Before Galvatron attacked his ship he attacked Hot Rod's. Now what does Ultra Magnus do to help? Nothing. He just flies along hoping he won't be noticed. Then when he is informed that Hot Rod's ship is probably destroyed along with Hot Rod, Kup and the Dinobots his response - "I can't deal with that now!". No he was too busy trying to destroy his own ship. Lame robotic idiot.

And now CLICK HERE to proceed to part two and find out who is the biggest cartoon smeghead of them all!